Oh noes! Two of the big digital channels are launching the new seasons of their signature drama series tonight, and they’re both on at the same time! Which one to watch? Obviously both ITV2 and E4 have +1 channels, not to mention umpteen reruns, so it’s perfectly easy to watch both shows. But let’s pretend we’ve forgotten about that for the moment and pit Skins against Secret Diary of a Call Girl in an unnecessary battle royale.

So it’s series 4 of Skins and the “new gang” from last year are back, although this being the televisual equivalent of Menudo they’re now positively pensionable and will be sacked once this year’s storylines are done. Last year everyone loved the lesbians but the writers seemed to think what we’d really like to see is Effie’s opinion that she’s the centre of the universe be confirmed at all times; this year’s promo photos don’t make me think much will have changed there. Freddie was meant to be the male totty of the current crop, but his unfailing ability to suck the joy out of any situation put the dampeners on that as well, so it was left to Cook to provide the sexay despite the teeth, oh god the teeeth. Basically Skins seems to have a ratio of one amazing episode to about 3 unwatchable ones, so we keep watching in case it’s the good one this week. And also of course because it’s what “the youth” are watching, and all of us denizens of lowculture are definitely young and cool and how dare you suggest otherwise.

In contrast ITV2′s offering seems positively middle-aged. Dame Billie Piper returns for a third series as Belle, the prostitute who redefines the term “job satisfaction.” After last year’s finale, this series she not only has to juggle the personalities of Hannah and Belle, she’s got a new string to her bow as a bestselling author. Let’s seee how much damage was done by last year’s rather dull series where she spent much of the time mooning over Callum Blue from off of Dead Like Me; and how seriously can we take it after That Mitchell and Webb Look‘s uncannily accurate “My Shags As A Whore?”

So which are you going to watch? It’s a tricky decis- oh sod it, you’re going to watch Skins. I know it, you know it.

• Skins, 10pm E4
•  Secret Diary of a Call Girl, 10pm ITV2

 

SKETCHY! That Mitchell and Webb Look, BBC Two, 9.00pm

And they’re back! Home computers Rob’n'Dave return for a second series of their much-loved TV sketch show, except of course it’s the third Mitchell and Webb TV sketch show really, and the fourth if you count the Mitchell and Webb-heavy Bruiser, and actually their seventh sketch show overall if you throw Radio 4′s That Mitchell and Webb Sound into the mix as well. Obviously that’s quite a lot of PC-level heavy-duty mathematics to wrap our heads around (not sure the Mac could cope with it, to be honest, though it could probably turn it into a pretty pie chart or something), but that’s Mitchell and Webb all over, you see: very funny and very intelligent men who also make you THINK (a little bit, even if it’s just about how ridiculous numbers sound out of sequence or which computer you’d rather buy).

In a refreshing move that’s almost unheard of in the sketch show world, they’ve defragmented their hard drives, restored their factory settings and chucked out pretty much every single character and concept from the first series (bar one or two, including the natural next step in the Numberwang! story), thus creating a blank comedy slate on which to start doodling with their hilarity chalk pencils all over again.

The previews we’ve seen so far have been excellent, including the bawdy Carry On-style hospital where one inadvertently-offensive doctor can’t quite get the hang of innuendo, the over-excited TV sports announcer, and a lovely sketch where Rob persuades Dave to pretend to be gay for entirely selfish reasons. Rebooterrific!