Stop me if you’ve heard this one: There’s these celebrities, right, and they’re best-known for doing one thing, right, only they’re being asked to do a slightly different thing. Ah, who says variety’s dead? Anyway this one’s called Popstar to Operastar because operastar is totally a real word. The lineup includes Jimmy Osmond, that one [...]
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BOLERO! Dancing on Ice: The Final Skate-Off, ITV1, 7.00pm Perhaps it’s just us, but it feels like this series has gone on for a few thousand years. Indeed, we’re not entirely sure we can remember a time when Dancing on Ice wasn’t on. It scarcely even feels like that scandalous early elimination of Sarah Greene [...]
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FINALLY OVER! The X Factor, ITV1, 7.15pm Oh, X Factor. Where did it all go wrong? This year you were the show that was talked about for all the wrong reasons, what with the vast majority of the acts that made it to the top 12 being utterly, irredeemably shit, the complete over-reliance on sob [...]
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LADY DICK! I’m a Celebrity, Get Me Out of Here, ITV1, 9pm It’s that time of year again, when a handful of people you’ve never heard of (and one or two you have) venture into the Aussie outback to eat bugs and suchlike. A ‘ratings winner’ on the beleaguered ITV network (we love calling it [...]
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FINALLY OVER! Big Brother, Channel 4, 8.30/10.00pm We vowed at the beginning of this series that we would pretend this show wasn’t even on, so entirely over it are we these days. Amusingly enough, we can’t have been the only ones feeling that way, since this series has by many accounts been lacking the must-see [...]
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HIRED! The Apprentice, BBC1, 9.00pm Every so often, we swear we can still hear an echoed cry of “what the fucking fuck?” bouncing around our living room walls, which was something akin to our response during last week’s episode when Katie apparently developed a heart of some kind and realised that she couldn’t possibly leave [...]
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VARIETY! Britain’s Got Talent, ITV1, 9.00pm Yes, we know, this actually started two days ago, but we can’t be doing with making updates at the weekends. It’s far too much like hard work. So, slightly belatedly, we turn our attention to nouveau variety show Britain’s Got Talent, in which Simon Cowell, Piers Morgan and Amanda [...]
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WTF! So You Think You Can Nurse, Five, 8.00pm When lowculture isn’t busy watching television, writing about television, dreaming about television, or occasionally, having sex while thinking about television, we like to come up with new reality show formats. In much the same way as The Daily Mail-o-Matic or The Julie Burchill Random Recycler, reality [...]
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Bea Arthur and Madame.
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Who's the rubbish gay from Cornwall who can't use a shovel? 