Holding out for Heroes

FINALE! Heroes, BBC Two, 9.00pm

Haters to the left, as I believe they say on the internet; I enjoyed season two of Heroes, and I’m not ashamed to admit it. Sure, I’ll admit that it had its faults: Hiro’s adventures in ancient Japan grew tedious very quickly, the accents in the “Cork, Ireland” segments were appalling, the addition of Maya and Alejandro to the cast was well-intentioned but probably ill-advised, the special effects budget appeared at times to be whatever spare change Tim Kring had in his back pocket, some genius decided to waste the fantastic chemistry between Adrian Pasdar and Milo Ventimiglia by separating them for pretty much the entire season…wait, this is supposed to be me saying why I liked the second season, isn’t it?

Fine, I have reasons for that too: Kristen Bell, David Anders and Dana Davis were all excellent additions to the cast, the virus storyline was gripping once it got going, Angela Petrelli continued her campaign to become the most awesome matriarch in the history of television, Milo Ventimiglia took his shirt off a lot, and Niki punched Mohinder in the face. (I try to like Mohinder, I really do, but I couldn’t help considering that a touch of fanservice for those of us who have tired of his soporific voiceovers.) More importantly, I think the season was more than the sum of its parts, because even when it was churning out slightly sub-par episodes, it was still incredibly watchable and enabled me to run off and speculate on all manner of conspiracy theories relating to possible future plot developments.

Sadly the season was cut short by the writers’ strike just as it was really started to get its act together, and the writers decided to cut their losses and work on trying to get season three right rather than salvage what was left of season two, which was perhaps a sensible idea under the circumstances. The final episode was teased in America with the line “two Heroes will fall”, so start placing your bets on who’ll carp it before the closing credits. Though of course, on this show, no one stays dead for long anyway, right?

Just deserts

LEGAL! Criminal Justice, BBC One, 9.00pm

When a TV show is scheduled so that all the episodes of a series run over a comparatively short space of time, it generally means one of two things: either the show is bobbins and the schedulers know it’s a millstone, and they want to get it removed from their necks in the quickest way possible, or they believe in it so strongly that they want to turn it into Event Television and turn us into their willing slaves. On the basis of the first episode, Criminal Justice is, thankfully, the latter.

It’s a five-parter, and it’s airing at 9pm every night this week, which is admittedly a huge ask of the viewer, especially when there are other things demanding your attention at that hour (Big Brother fans have a hard decision to make, especially if they don’t have access to Channel 4 +1), but I really think it’s going to be worth sticking with, especially as we all want something to distract us and help the time go faster between now and the Doctor Who finale on Saturday, yes?

Ben Whishaw (a recognisable face if you saw Nathan Barley or the movie Perfume amongst other things, and soon to appear as Sebastian Flyte in the film of Brideshead Revisited) stars as Ben Coulter, who accidentally picks up a girl in his dad’s taxi (it makes more sense in the actual programme, don’t worry) on a night out, and what starts as an exciting affair quickly turns into a nightmare when he wakes up in the small hours confronted with her dead body, has no recollection of what happened, and quickly ends up charged with her murder.

It’s not a comfortable watch at all, but episode one is gripping, and I think that scheduling this on consecutive nights may have been a masterstroke, because having to wait a week to find out what happens would have been painful indeed.

Nate expectations

XOXO! Gossip Girl, ITV2, 10.00pm

There’s quite a strong chance that I may be the only person in the country still watching Gossip Girl, and even more of a chance that I’m the only one who cares, but if that’s the case, there’s even more reason for it to be today’s highlight, because this show has really found its groove now and it deserves more viewers and more attention. Though it’s hard to imagine what a post on here might achieve that an obviously expensive ITV promotional campaign couldn’t, but let’s give it a try, anyway: you never know, I might just convince that one floating voter (and up the current audience by about 25%).

So, for those of you who haven’t been keeping up with events on the Upper East Side, here’s a handy list of why Gossip Girl is awesome:

• Some of the episode titles are inspired. Tonight’s is called ‘The Thin Line Between Chuck and Nate’, which is even more clever once you’ve seen the episode and know what it’s referring to.
• Blair Waldorf is a modern television icon. If everyone in the world tried to be a little bit more like Blair Waldorf, the world would be a happier (also thinner) place.
• Chuck’s wardrobe is amazing. I covet pretty much every item of clothing he owns.
• Nate and Chuck are totally gay for each other.
• Kristen Bell’s voiceover is note-perfect.
• There’s going to be gaying in a couple of episodes’ time. (Watch this space.)

Tonight’s episode involves all of the following: a pregnancy scare, a ruined friendship, a fight, some scaling of the social ladder, and best of all, Gossip Girl actually having an effect on the plot. If you’ve fallen out of touch with this show, this is a great episode to jump back in at.

Maggie may…

THATCHER! Margaret Thatcher: The Long Walk to Finchley, BBc Four, Time

I have to admit to not catching any of BBC Four’s Thatcher Season so far. It just hasn’t had the same lowcultural appeal of the Pop On Trial or Children’s TV on Trial seasons. But tonight’s centrepiece may well be worth your attention.

The latest in a recent trend for dramas about the lives of prominent 20th century figures, The Long Walk to Finchley looks at Thatcher’s early years in politics, in the ’50s and 60s, as she started out on the road to becoming an MP. Played by Andrea Riseborough, this incarnation of Maggie promises to be much livelier than the lady many of us remember as PM.

As with Mary Whitehouse and Fanny Craddock, this drama has the difficult job of portaying a controversial character who had plenty to commend her, but plenty more to condemn her. Also like those representations, this one has apparently played a little loose with the story. Not the events and facts and figures, those will be accurate enough, but some of the personalities of Thatcher and those around her are apparently a little more flavoursome than was really the case.

Nonetheless, it looks like it will be interesting and also somewhat fun. I realise most of you will be watching Heroes, Big Brother or The Footie when this is on, but it promises to be worth checking out on repeat or on the iPlayer, if only for the curiosity value of how they portray the young Mrs T. A drama about Thatcher’s later years is planned for later on in the year, which will also be worth watching, starring the great Lindsay Duncan. Let’s hope we get to see the former PM’s reaction to her Spitting Image puppet.

Desperate housewife

SMUT! Filth: The Mary Whitehouse Story, BBC2, 9.00pm

It’s handy that The Apprentice was on a day early this week, since it gives a vast percentage of us a spare 90 minutes between 9pm and 10.30pm (assuming you normally watch You’re Fired! as well) to fill. And as luck would have it, there’s a rather handy time-filler here in the form of a drama about Mary Whitehouse’s campaign to clean up television, starring Dame Julie Walters as the lady in question. What could be better?

Actually, Mrs Whitehouse herself might not be wholly impressed with the way the story’s presented, since it begins in a rather high-camp fashion with scenes of her cycling merrily through her village and waving gaily to a selection of wholesome neighbours in a manner that doesn’t make her look all that serious, and that pretty much sets the tone for the rest of the programme - but lest you think it’s an unbalanced last ditch attempt at revenge on a woman who’s no longer able to defend herself, the programme portrays most of its characters in the same fairly buffoonish light, not least former BBC DG Sir Hugh Carleton Greene, who’s shown as a pompous old boy of the worst kind who totally underestimates his adversary.

If you’re looking for a documentary-style look at the struggle to retain freedom of speech on television while protecting the delicate minds of the nation’s children, this might not be for you, since it’s very consciously a highly stylised drama with a factual influence rather than a piece of factual programme-making, but the story is told in a very entertaining way (watch for the fabulous visual gag when Mrs Whitehouse and her cohorts are deciding what to name their campaign) and of course brilliantly-acted by all involved. And you might even end up sympathising with her a little bit. You have been warned…

A matter of life and death

YUMMY! A Taste of My Life, BBC Two, 6.30pm

GORY! Kiss of Death, BBC One, 9.00pm

CGI-Y! Life After People, Channel 4, 9.00pm

TV is spoiling you this Bank Holiday, with lots of new and one-off goodies. It also means we have lots to preview, which is nice because sometimes (most Fridays it seems) there is just nothing to talk about. Today we have not one, not two, but THREE treats for you (and it was nearly four, but the name Springwatch, BBC Two, 8.00pm doesn’t fit the theme of life and death).

First up, and filling the foodie seat that Great British Menu has left warm, we have a new series of A Taste of My Life. If you haven’t seen previous series, Nigel spends time in the company of a celebrity, and they eat foods that remind the star of some ignificant times in their life. Kind of a Desert Island Discs for foodies. Previous guests have included Tracy Ann Oberman, John Barrowman (not Myleene Klass though! She’s probably dialling Slater as we speak), Vanessa Redgrave, Alex Kingston, Richard Briers (all of whom have been in Doctor Who or its spinoffs - maybe Nigel just pitches a trailer in Cardiff and grabs whoever’s there) and the Sawhala sisters (whom we’d like to see in Doctor Who or its spinoffs). One previous episode also featured the revelation that Cilla Black likes oranges with Bovril. TOGETHER.

This new series runs every day this week and next, and guests include Nigella Lawson (though surely having a cook on is cheating), Sue Johnstone, Sophie Dahl, Meera Syal and Sanjeev Bhaskar (though not in the same episode, which must have been easy for filming: two episodes in one go) and the lovely Tamsin Greig. Tonight’s guest is Jane Horrocks.

Later this evening, there are two one-off ‘big hitters’ in the 9.00pm slot. Firstly, we have Kiss of Death an extended length crime thriller that apparently messes with the genre’s narrative conventions and gets in a fair amount of gore. Its particularly notable as it stars Danny Dyer, Leonora Critchlow and Louise Lombard, who is looking uber-fierce with long, blonde hair. If you can stomach gore (and if you can stomach yet another crime drama) it may well be worth giving a go.

If that doesn’t float your boat, Channel 4’s big event is Life After People, a CGI-fest about what might happen to the earth after people have gone. It’s an American production, which means the emphasis is on, well, a certain part of the world, and it was first shown on the History Channel. Anyway, it will no doubt be intriguing enough, if you can stomach the dramatic voiceover.

It’s all Greek to me

FRATERNITY! Greek, BBC Three, 9.10pm

Given the amount of trails the BBC have been running for Greek over the past few weeks, you would imagine there is plenty to say about it.

However, after a scour of the web (involving spoiler avoidance), the most I have been able to find out about it was pretty much the information given by the TV listings magazines. So I know this: it’s an American comedy drama, set in the fictional Cyprus-Rhodes university and the fraternities and sororities of that university. The central characters are Rusty, a freshman and his older sister Casey (played by Spencer Grammer, daughter of Kelsey).

The series follows the scrapes of the siblings and their friends… and that’s about all I know. Sorry.

I do know that the obligatory spin-off/behind the scenes show, is on after the Thursday repeat, by the way, an act of scheduling far too complex for me to understand.

With Gossip Girl and the upcoming return of 90210 and Joss Whedon’s forthcoming Dollshouse, American beautiful people shows are all the rage. Will Greek be one of the stand-outs? I can’t tell you. Still, the idea of fraternities and sororities conjures up images of Legally Blonde so it’s got to be good, right?

Elle on Earth

POWERS! Heroes, BBC2, 9.00pm

So, how are we finding season two so far? It arrived under something of a cloud, given that by the time it arrived on the BBC series creator Tim Kring had already apologised for it. And in fairness, it does take a bit of a long time to get going, and certain new additions were a mistake (mentioning no names, Maya and Alejandro), but having rewatched it, I think it holds up pretty well. Equally, other viewers I know who are watching it for the first time seem to be enjoying it, so perhaps the alleged drop in quality was a bit of a storm in a teacup?

Now, it’s not exactly a big secret that I was a huge, borderline obsessive, fan of Veronica Mars, and part of the disappointment of its cancellation was the prospect of not having the marvellous Kristen Bell on my screen again on a regular basis. So the news that she was to join the cast of Heroes was greeted by quite sizeable amount of squeeing in my house, and tonight sees her first appearance as shady new character Elle.

Elle first appears in Fake Ireland looking for Peter Petrelli, possibly because she’s seen the shirtless footage and quite fancies getting herself some of that, and if so who could blame her? Alternatively, she may have some kind of nefarious purpose in mind given what happens in her first scene - I’m not going to spoil it for you, but she does have a power and it’s something we’ve already seen, so do with that what you will. Oh, and there’s the slight possibility that she might be a tiny bit unhinged, so just watch out for that…

Winds of change

STORMY! Desperate Housewives, Channel 4, 10.00pm

It looks as though Desperate Housewives has figured out that, while it can do the subtle, emotion-led scenes very well when it puts its mind to it, the show’s real talent lies in big blockbuster episodes that wouldn’t look out of place in some kind of action movie - admittedly, an odd sort of action movie where people do a lot of baking. Last year we had the brilliant siege episode (which made me cry, and I don’t mind admitting that) - this year, there’s a tornado heading for Wisteria Lane, and there’s going to be serious carnage.

And if I may say so, it’s a real humdinger. Radio Times may have (unfairly, in my opinion) sneered at the special effects, but clearly a lot of time and effort has gone into making both the storm and the aftermath look suitably hellish. And of course, it’s all been planned to provoke the maximum possible drama. Bree invites crazy Sylvia over for coffee in the hope of scoring some dirt on Katherine, only for Sylvia to freak out and lock herself in the downstairs toilet - which is where Bree and her family were planning to shelter from the storm. Oops. She calls Adam over to sort it out, which gives us an excuse to post a picture of Nathan Fillion, not that we really needed one.

Meanwhile, Gabby’s attempts to run away with Carlos before stabby Victor can take them down are sabotaged by Edie, leading to a particularly satisfying catfight in the street as the winds whip up around them. Lynette barges her way into sheltering with Karen McClusky and proceeds to upset both Karen and her other houseguest Ida Greenberg, in that rather entitled way that’s typical of Lynette. Oh, and there’s the now obligatory mid-season death. As Mary Alice announces: one woman will lose a husband, all of them will lose a friend. Place your bets now, people…

A sting in the tale

WHODUNNIT! Doctor Who, BBC One, 7.00pm

Ten reasons why this Saturday’s Doctor Who will be great:

» 1. It’s based on the life of Agatha Christie, around the time of her disappearance.
» 2. Fenella Woolgar stars as Christie, and Fenella Woolgar is awesome.
» It also stars the wonderful Felicity Kendall. And lots of other talented people, about whom you will go ‘it’s them! Out of that thing!’
» 3. As well as being about Agatha Christie, it has a Christie-esque whodunnit plot.
» 4. It features a giant wasp, which has to be the scariest thing EVER.
» 5. It’s set in the 1920s, so maybe there will be some sly House of Elliot jokes. Probably not, I grant you, but a girl can dream.
» 6. The interaction between Donna and The Doctor, Donna and the people she meets generally, and, well Donna’s presence all round, really, has been awesome this series. So any episode with Donna in will be at least partially awesome.
» 7. I’ve heard about a joke (which I won’t spoil) that sounds bloody awesome
» 8. It was written by Gareth Roberts, who is a friend of lowculture. By which, I mean, he likes lowculture. I’m not speculating about his sexual preferences.
» 9. Doctor Who isn’t on next week, so that will make it extra important to catch, and savour.
» 10. Paul Lang, Mr LC himself, says ‘This Saturday’s Doctor Who is great’.

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