Steel City Blues

SHEFFIELD!Jarvis Cocker’s Musical Map of Sheffield, Radio 2, 10.30pm

We don’t often preview radio here, but every now and then, a little (potential) gem stands out. Tonight sees one of those, as Jarvis Cocker takes us on a musical tour of his home city (and mine - well my adopted home, anyway) of Sheffield.

Now, Sheffield may not have the prestige of Manchester or London as a hotbed of musical energy, but lots of amazing acts have come from the city, including ABC, Pulp, Richard Hawley, The Arctic Monkeys, Cabaret Voltaire, The Longpigs, bits of Moloko (sort of), Heaven 17, Reverend and the Makers, The Long Blondes and The Human League (whose first EVER gig was held at the place I work, fact fans). The city’s trade is essentially in cheeky pop-synth-indie-dance with a wry sense of humour and it’s something worth celebrating, especially as many of these acts have influenced some of the indie/dance/pop we have today.

Cocker himself is always a welcome presence on telly and radio, and you could do a lot worse than give this hour-long show a whirl. Bonus Sheffield bingo points if he mentions Henderson’s Relish, WARP records, the Peace Gardens, Threads or the Kellvin flats.

Eurovision - 8 days to go!

Eurovision 2008 Song of the Day

Ukraine: Shady Lady, Ani Lorak/Ані Лорак

“There are many shady ladies here,” declared Ani Lorak a couple of days ago, as she described the scene around her during rehearsals in Beograd. And we can imagine to whom she was referring too. This particular shady lady, however, has arrived at the contest with mirrored, back-lit cabinets, which is very exciting. She’s combining the cabinets with excellent vocals. Indeed, judging from this year’s rehearsals, many of the best performers can actually deliver the goods live, and with a routine. Ani is the face of Schwarzkopf in Ukraine, and it is quite clear why. She has lovely hair.

Ukraine, ten points. L’Ukraine, dix points. Back-lit!

Eurovision Legend of the Day

Bosnia and Herzegovina: Call Me, Feminnem

Even from the still in the YouTube box below, you know that words are not necessary.

How Eurovision can save the UK

Realising that we no longer produce the best pop music. It is very true – the gays have gone, and we’re left in the musical wasteland of bloody Coldplay and Keane and other bands whose names are too tedious of me to think about. I don’t want to see men with egos strumming guitars. I want to see amazing women with egos fondling microphones. I want to see fit men with egos who just KNOW. Like every good UK and US popstar, we should look north to Sweden. They are the ones producing the best pop music. Realising that we’re not actually all that anymore can save the UK.

Eurovision - 11 days to go!

Eurovision 2008 Song of the Day

France: Divine, Sébastien Tellier

It’s French day today, and I’m going to go one about Serge Gainsbourg for a bit. Now, normally, you wouldn’t think that the French had really cared about Eurovision in recent years. Long gone are the halcyon days of Gainsbourg-penned melodies. However, Sébastien Tellier may just well be Gainsbourg’s heir (and not only for the fact that he was quoted as saying that ‘seul le cul m’intéresse’ in an interview a couple of years ago). Divine has caused a slight controversy in France by not actually being a French-language song. However, despite this, it actually couldn’t be any more French if it tried. Long around on the musique électronique scene, Sébastien has been involved with Air and Daft Punk in the past, and it shows, with the particularly Parisian electronic sound that seems to accompany an awful lot of boring dinner parties on our side of the Channel.

France, eight points. La France, huit points. Ordinateur!

Eurovision Legend of the Day

Luxembourg: Poupée de cire, poupée de son, France Gall

Poupée de cire, poupée de son was Luxembourg’s entry to the 1965 contest, and is an absolute classic of sixties’ Eurovision. Written, composed and produced by Serge Gainsbourg, the song is yé-yé at its finest (meaning ‘wax puppet, bran puppet’, or ‘puppet of wax, puppet of sound’, depending on who you ask) and featured a stunning performance from the then 17-year old France Gall. The camera just focuses on the closest of close-ups on her face, whilst France, seemingly without nerves, allows herself a bit of a head-shake as a routine, as her raw voice totally overpowers the orchestra, and [OK, that’s quite enough – Ed]. Poupée de cire… appears on the album Les Sucettes, the title song of which is essentially an ode to oral sex, although the young France says she had no idea it was about that at the time it was recorded. Given Gainsbourg’s track-record, I’d be inclined to agree – him telling Whitney Houston live on a French chatshow that he’d like to fuck her, and the song Je t’aime, are quite tame compared to the song Lemon Incest - which he performed with his daughter. Poupée de cire, poupée de son, then - iconic Eurovision.

How Eurovision can save the UK

Bhangra! Given that there is a huge audience for bhangra in the UK, it is therefore an integral part of our culture, and should be entered for Eurovision. I’ve often thought it was strange that no one has tried it already. Giving all the ‘credibility’ nay-sayers a big slap, no one could argue that any bhangra-themed song would be unoriginal – and it would definitely sound unlike anything else in the contest. Bhangra (with a key-change) can save the UK.

Eurovision – 12 days to go!

Eurovision 2008 Song of the Day

Norway: Hold On Be Strong, Maria Haukaas Storeng

I may have gone on the record previously as saying that this was a weak entry for Norway. However, having listened to it many times, seen it performed, and accosted the singer herself, I now realise how wrong I was. Hold On Be Strong is a storming ballad, with lyrics in the best Norwegian tradition of introspective analysis of the self. Sings Maria:
Love can be hard sometimes,
Yes, it can catch you off guard like bad crimes,
Yes, it can make you depressed and angry,
Make you say: “Why me, why won’t anybody try me?”
More subtle than Sweden or Iceland, and just downright better than Denmark, Maria’s paean to loneliness and love needs to go through to the final to show the likes of Ireland, Spain and Estonia how it should be done. And for the UK, it should be a lesson in how to bring so-called ‘credibility’ to the contest, but actually making the song memorable.

Norway, ten points. Norvège, dix points. Catchy!

Eurovision Legend of the Day

United Kingdom: Don’t Play That Song Again, Nikki French

‘One of Britain’s top female singing exports’, the amazing Nikki French represented the United Kingdom in 2000 with Don’t Play That Song Again. Sadly, that’s just what many people did do, but they are just WRONG. Simply unappreciated by the UK public (that actually selected her and then sent the song to number 34 in the charts) and the European voters, who decided that Denmark’s Brødrene Olsen, with their Cher-stealing Fly On The Wings Of Love should win, Nikki actually did all of her song without the assistance of the vocoder, and with a routine, so she was actually better. Still very much on the circuit, we all adore Nikki French. Rumours that Kelly Llorenna is doing it next year have been unsubstantiated. Deeper voices do travel further, though, so that’s a plus.

How Eurovision can save the UK

No judging on the night. This year’s pre-selection was an utter disgrace, not only for the way that Terry Wogan was given actual power in terms of deciding who would go through to the final, but also for the way that the performers were judged by John Barrowman and Carrie Grant in the manner of The X-Factor. It wasn’t an amateur talent contest, these were industry professionals who wanted to enter the contest to gain more attention for their music, not naïve beginners with DADS WHO ARE DEAD. To sit there whilst the judges tore their performances to shreds was an utter humiliation for all concerned, and surely career-damaging. Getting rid of ridiculous judging panels can save the UK.

Music Makes the People Come Together

MUSIC! Radio 1’s Big Weekend, Radio 1, all weekend; BBC Red button, from 4pm today onwards, BBC Three, 7.00pm, 9.15pm, 12.15am today, 7.00pm and 11.15pm tomorrow, Radio 1 Online, all weekend.

This weekend, Maidstone will be hosting the biggest free festival it’s probably ever held (I am willing to be proved wrong, Maidstone festivals are not my specialist subject), as Radio 1 hosts its Big Weekend. There are four stages over the weekend, although how much of each will be broadcast, I don’t know.

The weekend is taking advantage of the SHINY! NEW! possibilities the digital age offers us, by not only broadcasting on the traditional wireless, but also on the internet, BBC Three and via the red button (by the way, what happened to red button voting? I voted several times in Fame Academy because of that little innovation. Alex Parks, and, er, Sinead Quinn, owe their careers to me… oh.).

There are lots of acts across the weekend, including Robyn, Hot Chip, Goldfrapp, The Fratellis, Duffy, The Ting Tings, Vampire Weekend, The Futureheads, The Zutons, Pendulum, The Raconteurs, Adele, Usher and The Kooks (Scouting For Girls are also on, though. Run!) However, the main draw is undoubtedly Madonna. It is rare for her to appear at an event of this type, and cynics would say it shows she is a bit unsure of how well Hard Candy is going to go down, but it could just be that she wants to attract a younger audience. Or just, you know, for the craic.

Madonna live (9pm tonight) is always worth a gander. She will probably play mostly stuff from the new album and perhaps one or two old faves (it will be a reasonably short set). And being Madonna, she will no doubt cause controversy. I still remember listening to her Blond Ambition tour live on Radio 1 and my mum getting very upset with all the lewdness. A whole new generation of parents could be about to get offended…

Eurovision – 15 days to go!

Eurovision 2008 Song of the Day

Czech Republic: Have Some Fun, Tereza Kerndlová

The most ridiculous video. Someone spent the budget on booze and poppers, it would seem, so everyone else decamped to a coffee shop and put the song on on the stereo whilst Tereza (the face of Maybelline New York) mimed along and served a few customers whilst she was at it. Efficient, at least. However, that dog is contravening EU hygiene regulations.

Czech Republic, eight points. République tchèque, huit points. Quite good.

Eurovision Legend of the Day

Switzerland: Ne partez pas sans moi, Céline Dion

From Dublin to Las Vegas and beyond, this early Céline number is outstanding. Reaching the very heights of Eurovision splendour, with effortless vocals, she does not miss a single note (even if she gets the words slightly wrong at the end, oops). This is one of the last proper old-style Eurovision songs that seriously stood a chance, before ridiculous metal-rock (I think it is called) monsters, and overwrought GREETINGS (who most certainly did not perform to Céline standards on the night) infiltrated the security barriers around the stage.

How Eurovision can save the UK

Get rid of Terry Wogan! Yes, a controversial one, but let’s admit the truth (and see if anyone is actually reading this). Wogan is not funny. He doesn’t actually like Eurovision. And, in essence, HE is responsible for this year’s UK entry. Most unforgivably, perhaps, he talks over the songs, including the UK’s entry last year, Scooch. This is just not on. (Although if it is as a result of the pints of Baileys, then I can maybe understand it, as my actions under the influence of drink - Kopparberg Pear or Mixed Fruit before they reduced the alcohol content to a pitiful 4%, if you’re going to the bar - would be comparable. Or much worse. Come to think of it, aquavit, vodka and whisky are all acceptable too). Perhaps it is time to hand over to Paddy O’Connell, commentating on this year’s semi-finals with an eyebrow raised just enough, but with an obvious love and, more importantly, respect, for the entries. Getting rid of Terry Wogan from the commentary box, and especially any future judging panels, can save the UK.

Eurovision - 16 days to go!

Eurovision 2008 Song of the Day

Malta: Vodka, Morena

Seemingly not a fan-favourite. I don’t care. From the moment Morena graces the Maltese stage with HAIR and EYES and LIPS and LEGS, she basically owns the entire island. And this is before she’s even gone into the crowd mid-performance to get everyone off their arses and clapping along. Spy One to Spy Four, Morena is Mata Hari, but without the double-agent-shagging and treason. She is on our side. And the video is fantastic – she needs to be in the new series of Spooks immediately.

Malta, ten points. Malte, dix points. Fabulous.

Eurovision Legend of the Day

Iceland: Minn hinsti dans, Páll Óskar

Those who know me are well aware of my long-standing love for Pálli. I met him the other day, and just stood there speechless, whilst he looked at me intently and perhaps with some confusion. My normal way of pulling, then. And it turns out he’s my height, so I could have been ‘in there’, as they say. Regrets, regrets. This, then, is The Moment That Eurovision Changed Forever. With his PVC-clad contortionists, Páll sings of London, Paris and Rome, drinking Cristal champagne, and how he regrets nothing (unlike me), as he dances his last dance. In Icelandic. Making the performance just as important (if not more so) than the song, Pálli set the standard for so many future acts.

How Eurovision can save the UK

Gays! A Swedish acquaintance of mine says that the sorry lack of proper pop in the UK charts is all down to the fact that the gays have all gone from the industry. I agree. Straight men are more than welcome to view Eurovision from a distance, but they must not have any involvement in songs, performance, dancing or voting. Gays can save the UK.

Eurovision - 17 days to go!

Eurovision 2008 Song of the Day

Iceland: This Is My Life, Eurobandið

This is a massive song, performed with aplomb (yes, a big plomb) by Friðrik and Regína, with the legendary Páll Óskar pulling the strings (he’s already sacked the back-up dancers for something much more amazing instead. They’re pissed off – we don’t care). Slightly late for the nu-rave revival, it doesn’t matter, because this is going to be fucking amazing when it is performed. Having heard a recent live rendition of this, they are going to bring the house down in Belgrade. So that will be an early exit from the semis, then. Here is the extraordinary video, featuring Perez Hilton’s Icelandic cousin.

Iceland, twelve points. Islande, douze points. Amazing.

Eurovision Legend of the Day

United Kingdom: Making Your Mind Up, Bucks Fizz

Cheryl Baker, you are outstanding. The week before last, twenty-seven years after winning the Contest, you stood up proud on stage, allowed Mike to check that it was OK, and then let him rip your skirt off as your executed a perfect key-change. YES! Dedication’s all you need.

How Eurovision can save the UK

Key-changes! This year’s entries for the (joke that was the) pre-selection were conspicuous by the absence of any key-changes anywhere. We require key-changes. They turn great songs into amazing songs. If they are crowbarred in as audaciously as possible, even better. The key-change can save the UK.

A brassy lady, a resurrection and a muppet

TODAY’S ENTERTAINMENT SNIPPETS

That little minx Kylie Minogue is set to throw a few sparkly things in a suitcase and head out on tour again. Her band will include a brass section for the first time, so there can be no excuses for not performing Word Is Out. Well, apart from the fact it’s rubbish, of course. » Lowculture is already bored rigid by the constant stream of non-news relating to the comeback of Gladiators, so it gives us very little pleasure to report that Five are relaunching another old format – Superstars. For the uninitiated (or the disinterested), the show sees four teams of atheletes pitted against each other in a series of tedious sporting events. “Great”. » A forthcoming episode of Sesame Street will be brought to you by the celebrity David Beckham. He will be popping up to teach Elmo the word “persistence”.

One small step…

ARTY! What About Me?, Channel 4, 12.05am
It’s been going for years and years and years and it features a very eclectic mix of genres and artists, yet despite a being music lover, I almost never watch it. Partly that’s because it lacks any regular programme brands. A new White Room, Popworld or Chart Show might help to give the slot some continuity. However, the main reason I never watch it is because it’s on so bloody late. But I thought I’d plug the latest show in the strand, as it sounds quite intriguing.

What About Me is the latest project from 1 Giant Leap, who you may remember from the single ‘My Culture’ with Robbie Williams and Maxxie Jazz the other year. They also made a full album and multimedia extravaganza that time round, although you’d be forgiven for not realising that bit, as I didn’t know about it either until the other day. This project will also have an album release, but begins with this seven-part series on Channel 4.

The project brings together people from the fields of academia, philosophy, music, drama, politics, religion, and probably the person down the road to create ‘meditations’ of video, art, music and speech on topics such as love, belief and death. It’s one of those ‘Marmite’ projects. You will either embrace it fully or think it’s just a piece of arty wankery and have no truck with it. Collaborators include Stephen Fry, Michael Stipe, Alanis Morrissette, Tim Roth, kd Lang, Noam Chomsky, Bob Geldof, Susan Sarandon, Carrie Fisher (which I first read as Connie Firsher, sorry), Courtney Love and, er, Will Young.

Oh, and this week’s episode is actually part two, ‘Wounded’. But if you missed part one (which is not on 4OD) you can catch it their website. Personally, I thought part one was a bit boring and patronising, but the trailer for this episode looks a little more intriguing (partly because it features people I’ve heard of, and part one was scant on those). Seeing as ITV has ushered in the new age of skipping bits of series out, feel free to join in the trend and start here.

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