Day 6 - The end is near

Hey everyone. I am a little bit sd today as it has just suddenly dawned on me that after tonight the Eurovision bubble I have been living in for the past week is about to burst.  I have had the most amazing time and I really don’t want it to end.  Just think, this time tomorrow we will know who the 53rd winner of the Eurovision Song Contest will be - I wonder if it will be a shock result??

Yesterday my dy was filled with attending the dress rehearsals of the Final and what a final it is - like I have said before the new system is really working as no-one can complain that the final is dominated by the East this year.  It is a real victory for both Iceland and Portugal who have both qualified to the final for the first time since the semi finals were introduced.  In fairness, both countries have great songs and both acts give amazing vocal performances. 

There are 5 acts in the final that really are in my opinion streets ahead of the other 21 acts - my ultimate favourites Euroband (I’m not biased with my with love for Fridrik), are absolutely amazing to watch they sound and look great on stage - they give 100 percent every time they take to the stage with an infectious high energy that electrifies the arena; Charlotte Perelli gives a flawless performance of “Hero” and could quite possibly be the first women to win Eurovision twice - the omens might be good for her as she has the same 15th position she had when she won in 1999; Maria from Norway has a classy performance and one of the best songs in the contest - the decision of her not talking since qualifying was a good one as she has never sounded better; Portugal’s Vania gives a very dramatic, theatrical performance that gives me goosebumps; lastly, Ani Lorak (probably this years winner) has a performance that has all the right elements of a Eurovision winner: Fierce female vocalist, Great song, Amazing stage performance with a fantastic dance routine.  Ani Lorak owns the stage and I think she would be a worthy winner as she is a great performer.

Yesterday was the first opportunity I have seen the Big 4 perform alongside the other qualifiers (I have seen their rehearsals separately).  I think from what I have seen the Big 4 will be at the bottom of the table.  It wouldn’t surprise me if Germany’s No Angels end up with Nil Points as vocally they are terrible.  I am yet to see a performance where they have been in tune - its a great shame as I really like the song (well, in its studio version).  France is disappointing as there isn’t really much to write about the performance except that Sebastian arrives on stage in a golf buggy the rest of the performance is boring.  Spain has probably the worst song in the competition with a performance to match - it is a complete joke and makes Latvia sound like a masterpiece.  Andy Abraham for the UK gives a very good vocal performance and the stage looks great all with multi coloured lights - his dancing is questionable though as is his suit, its a bit like your dad at a family wedding trying to be cool and failing miserably.  I guess its up to Squeezy to win Eurovision for the UK next year…

My predictions for the final are a top 5 looking like this: Ukraine (Shady Lady - Ani Lorak), Russia (Believe - Dima Bilan), Sweden (Hero - Charlotte Perelli), Norway (Hold On, Be Strong - Maria), Serbia (Oro - Jelena).  I think the bottom 4 will be the big 4 countries in the order I’ve mentioned. 

This would be my ultimate top 5 based on my favourites this year: Iceland (This Is My Life - Euroband), Norway (Hold On, Be Strong - Maria), Ukraine (Shady Lady - Ani Lorak), Sweden (Hero - Charlotte Perelli), Greece (Secret Combination - Kalomoria).

I am still yet to secure a date with Fridrik from Euroband.  Gigliola has told me that he’s interested and that she has put in a good word for me - maybe she is not as bad as I first thought??  I am considerring taking up her offer of dueting with her in the future - watch this space.

Catch up with me tomorrow when I will be discussing the results of the final and all the gossip from the after show party along with an update on my success with Fridrik from Euroband.

Squeezy x

Day 5 - THEY DID IT!

Hello everyone! What a great result last night, with all three of my favourites (Iceland, Sweden and Ukraine) qualifying to the Final on Saturday. I’m not too happy with Europe’s decision to put through Croatia but I can’t really complain as EUROBAND made it. What a show it was – there was definitely a lot more tension before this semi final compared to the first one as people here were expecting a shock result. I think the only shocks for me were Lativia qualifying over the Swiss entry – obviously there are a lot of people in Europe that like pirates. For me, the performances of the night were definitely Euroband who had so much energy on stage, which must have been really difficult as they were the opening act; Charlotte Perelli, who gave a great vocal with a slick performance; and Ani Lorak with a fierce routine that everything you want from a Eurovision entry – I will definitely be using elements from these three performances and songs for my Eurovision entry next year. 

After the results I headed to the Press Centre to catch the press conference. Ani Lorak said she believed that “the winner was in the room”. I wasn’t sure if she meant one of the other acts or if she meant me for next year though – I guess I’ll have to ask her. Fredrik from Euroband made my heart melt when he said that “If Eurovision was a little baby Reykjavik would take good care of it” – I have decided that my mission now is not only get the right ingredients for success at Eurovision but also to make Fredrik from Euroband my boyfriend. When asked how Euroband felt about winning, Regina said, “We are pleasantly surprised; we couldn’t be in a better place. It’s a dream come true”.  Charlotte Perelli was asked whether she was under pressure to qualify to the final and win to which she replied, “We had no expectations at all. We shall do our best in the final”. As the finalists left the press conference, I congratulated Charlotte Perelli and Fredrik from Euroband thanked me – he’s so sweet.

The next thing to do was to make my appearance at the after-show party. Being a former INTERNATIONAL POPSTAR, I know it is important to be seen at these events. Last years winner Marjia, performed the DANCE REMIX of her winning entry Molitva - I personally prefer the dance mix and I was glad that it was that version she performed.

At the party I consoled a defeated Morena from Malta, who was able to let her hair down as the pressure was now off her.  Morena said “Malta had put in a lot of effort this year” and that they had worked with “a Swedish songwriter and Swedish backing dancers” she sighed, ”but it still wasn’t enough”. Poor Morena and poor Malta. I told her that despite “Vodka” not making the final, I was sure that it would become a fan favourite and will be played at Eurovision parties long after this contest, she replied, “I hope so”.

As I mingled with my new fans at Euroclub (Squeezy is making quite the comeback) I could see Gigliola slumped over bar badmouthing me to the UK delegation, telling them my plan to win Eurovision next year to relaunch my career. She even went as far to say that I couldn’t sing live!  How dare she! I mean, I am TECHNICALLY a very good singer. Being the two-faced wench she is, when Gigliola saw me she kissed me on both cheeks and greeted me with her trademark “Hello babies” - she is so predictable. Not wanting to cause a scene (oro be associated with Gigliola), I continued to mingle and celebrate with my new fans and look for more Eurovision artists to get tips from. Sadly, there were no acts there as they, very wisely, are not out partying with the final looming. Shame really, as I would have loved to have danced to Kate Ryan’s “J’tadore” with Fridrik from Euroband. Yet again, I was one of the last to leave the party, which is becoming a habit for me.  Upon arriving at my hotel I found Gigliola passed out in the corridor outside my hotel room door - she really needs to stop stalking me.

So we now know what the final on Saturday is looking like and its going to be a great one in my opinion. With my five favourite songs (Euroband - This Is My Life, Charlotte Perelli - Hero, Ani Lorak - Shady Lady, Maria - Hold On, Be Strong and Kalomoria - Secret Combination), I really couldn’t be happier. It seems that the new system is working, which is great for the contest. I am off to the first dress rehearsal of the final today which I will report on, and I will be performing myself tonight at Eurocafe to Caracola’s Smiling In Love at the Eurovision Schlager Party. Right, that’s me done for now - I’m off to find Fridrick from Euroband to ask him on a date.

Squeezy x

Day 4 - This Is My Life

lowculture Eurovision blogger Squeezy does it twice in one day…

Hello everyone! Squeezy is back on form after a lapse in my updates - even former INTERNATIONAL POPSTARS need a rest from the endless round of parties and interviews. Yesterday I attended the first and second dress rehearsals of the second semi final, which is a big one as it boasts quite a strong line-up – including what is likely to be this years Eurovision winner.

It gets off to an amazing start with my favourites, EUROBAND. Their performance of This Is My Life is full of energy, with a tight-but-simple and effective dance routine, and it really is all about them and their fantastic voices as they have no stage props. Euroband are the one act that I desperately want to go through from this round to the final, as they are such nice people and they definitely love Eurovision – just as well, considering that they are a Eurovision covers band.  When I asked them to sum up This Is My Life in one word, Fredrik winked and replied, with a smile: “WINNER!”. I hope their early starting position doesn’t effect their chances.

Next up is comeback queen and former Eurovision winner Charlotte Perrelli with her schlagertastic Hero.  Charlotte hasn’t changed anything from her Melodifestivalen performance – and why should she when it works so well? She gives a good vocal and the performance is strong enough to ensure she qualifies.

Ani Lorak is in a league of her own with her performance of Shady Lady. This performance is SO Eurovision and has everything – including the kitchen sink! There are dancers encased in mirrored boxes that light up, a full dance routine and, just when you think it can’t get any better, Ani climbs on top of the box towards the end of the song! It really is amazing and I think it will be the outright winner of this year (I will be using this an my main inspiration for my Eurovision entry next year).

Lithuania and Albania’s performances don’t do anything for me as I don’t like the songs, so it’s the perfect opportunity to get a drink while they’re on.

Era Stupendo, performed by Paolo Meneguzz, was slightly disappointing for me as he seems disinterested on stage – although he did improve in the second dress rehearsal. If You Wanna Have Some Fun, performed by Teresa for the Czech Republic, is a bit of a mess and looks like a bunch of schoolgirls playing in their bedroom. Poor Teresa is out of tune the majority of the time and I can’t see this qualifying.

Ruslan looks petrified as he performs Hasta La Vista and is wearing the same outfit that Koldun wore for Belarus last year -maybe they didn’t have the budget to buy a new outfit?? Pirates Of The Sea from Latvia is something you would expect to see at Disneyland, and is this year’s Vampires Are Alive. Croatia, meanwhile, is the one song in this semi final that I HATE, and I really hope this doesn’t qualify as it is RUBBISH.

Deepzone, with the amazing Joanna, gare great with DJ Take Me Away, and I was impressed with Joanna’s vocals.  It really is all about Joanna in this performance. Simon Matthew gives a rousing performance of the singalong All Night Long - this is the one song that instantly has you singing along by the end.

Morena’s “Vodka” is very disappointing.  Despite the fact that I really like her and think the song is great fun, her performance is a mess. Sadly, she shouts her way through the song and it’s all a bit frantic and sloppy.

My favourites, then, are EUROBAND, Charlotte Perelli and Ani Lorak - and I want everyone to vote for them as they really deserve to qualify.

In other news, the haggard, washed-up Gigliola continues to embarrass herself wherever she goes. I think it’s time for her to retire from this game, as Squeezy is younger and MORE FAMOUS than she is!

Day 3. Or is it 4 already? I can’t tell any more

lowculture Eurovision blogger Squeezy finally surfaces, a mere two days after the semi-final afterparty…

Hello everyone! Sorry for the delay in my update from Belgrade, but I have been busy celebrating the outcome of the first semi-final. It was a good result for Eurovision wasn’t it?? Nine out of the ten qualifiers deserved to go through to the final - I would only replace Finland with Slovenia.

I was particularly happy for my two favourites, the beautiful Maria for Norway, and Kalomoria for Greece. I was on the edge of my seat when the results came in, as I waited for Maria’s name to be announced. Of course, I was so pleased that Ireland didn’t qualify, as I think it would have been a terrible decision to have that take the place of a more deserving song.

Despite the arena not being very full, the atmosphere was still amazing. I was also interviewed outside, where I was asked who I was supporting in the contest - I mentioned my favourites: Euroband for Iceland, Charlotte Perrelli for Sweden, Maria for Norway and Ani Lorak for Ukraine. I then gave an acapella performance of Charlotte Perrelli’s Hero for the cameras. With my work done at the arena, I headed to the press centre, where the conference became a bit of a farce as Dima Bilan went on a rant, calling everyone ‘beautiful’ and generally speaking madness. None of the press asked any worthy questions, apart from one directed at Shirusho about whether she thought that serious songs were more worthy for success at Eurovision. Her reply was that “all artists should be able to express themselves how they want, and if that is in a fun or serious way then that is fine.”

Afterwards, I caught a few moments with Paddy O’Connell, and asked him if he thought Terry Wogan would actually resign if the UK didn’t do well this year at Eurovision. Paddy said that he thought that Terry was serious, as Andy’s song was the song that he actually picked. As Maria left the press conference, I congratulated her and she screamed that she was so happy with the position she has drawn for performing in the final (25th!). As I left, I saw Belgium’s Ishtar and consoled her on not qualifying, before heading to the official after-party. There, I stole a few moments with the presenter of last year’s contest, Yana, who said she didn’t think that this year’s presenters were very good, as they didn’t have any personality. Miaow!

Inside the party, I saw Laka’s sister, who I asked what other songs she liked from this years contest. “To be honest,” she replied. “I don’t like any other entries – except maybe France.”

Well, at least she was honest.

At the bar I was accosted by a drunk, aged woman who claimed that she was the ONLY person that writes a Eurovision blog for lowculture – it was then that I realised that she was my old stalker from my days as an INTERNATIONAL POPSTAR. She was eventually carted off by security, arms flailing wildly and slurring “Hello Babies!” as she went.

The party was fantastic, with all my Eurovision favourites played, like Kate Ryan’s Je t’adore, Euroband’s This Is My Life, Feminem’s Call Me and Friends’ Listen To Your Heartbeat, to name but a few. In fact, it was such a good night that I was one of the last five to leave the party at six in the morning - I clearly don’t know when to stop.

My next update will give my verdicts on the dress rehearsals from the second semi-final, which is a big one, as it has Charlotte Perelli, Ani Lorak and my favourites Euroband, performing. With my other favourites, Maria from Norway and Kalomoria from Greece, through from the first semi, I just need Euroband though to make me really happy.

Squeezy x

Gigliola, your ORIGINAL Eurovision expert

¡Hello babies! It is I, Gigliola, lowculture’s one and ONLY correspondent of the Eurovisión.

It pleases myself to be the unique person who is disclosing for you of the competition this year - if the editors were ever to contract some other, I fear that might lead me to the murder.

I am moved on this night of the second semi-final, as it felt the first was lacking in the “za-za-zuu”. Tonight, the round contains many ladies of a similar age and a state to I. In fact, Charlotte Perrelli and I shared the same surgeon plastic, although she has visited him much more that I have, for much less convincing results.

That Irish Turkey did not come in the end, and for that I am contented. I think these acts of the novelty do no justice of the Eurovisión. Because, imagine if the United Kingdom were to send man of the bins, singing an old Kool and the Gang B-side to the competition. They would be laughing from now until Finland!

You are probably asking yourself who is my preferred acts in tonight’s heat. Well, aside from my OLD Charlotte friend, I am pleased of the Ani Lorak of the Ukraine with its wonderful Shady Lady - I feel that it is the song of a class that could go until the end.

Another favorite is Switzerland’s Paulo Meneguzzi, who is singing the Era Stupendo. When I first put eyes in him, I thought definitively that it wanted to guzzi its men!

A woman after my own heart is Morena, that is singing of the Vodka for Malta. The vodka has been the enemy and has been the friend to me during the years, but I still pleasure myself that it is immortalised in a song of the Eurovisión.

Now, babies, I am going to the Euroclub. I hear that a slut of the English that is called Squeezy is boasting of himself to all who will hear, and I am determine to make battle with him!

» More Gigliola

Day 2 – Flying The Flag for you

lowculture Eurovision blogger Squeezy swans around Belgrade trying to uncover the secrets of Eurovision success, stalking the participants as he goes…

After an eventful first day in Belgrade, I wondered if day two could possibly live up to the standard that had been set. I had a full agenda – attending the press pentre, the first dress rehearsal of the first semi final and the official parties for Malta, Belarus and Bulgaria.

Upon arriving at the press centre I was greeted by Teresa from the Czech Republic, who gave an accapella performance of her entry, If You Wanna Have Some Fun. She told me that she was “very excited about the competition and that she hoped that she would do well”.

While this was going on, Diana from Georgia and her entourage – all decked out in Georgia flags and Peace Will Come t-shirts – were holding some sort of vigil. Diana is taking the Peace Will Come aspect very seriously, by releasing doves as symbolism of what her song represents as well as organising a Peace Will Come march through Belgrade. She told me that it is her dream to perform in London. Well, her dream might become a reality if she wins this year, as she could end up in London performing at the UK Eurovision Winners Party.

The big news at the Press Centre yesterday was that Jessica from No Angels is ill with a virus – but we have been assured that she will be well enough to perform in the contest.

Next stop was the arena to watch the first dress rehearsal of the first semi. My inital reaction to the stage was “wow”, as the theme of the “confluence” really works. After a dull start with the first six songs, the contest really going going for me with Azerbaijan. Their performance was exactly what Eurovision should be – completely over the top. The theme may be a cliché, but it really did work.
Slovenia were next, with Rebeka performing Vrag Naj Vzame with a colour scheme of lime green, silver and purple. This performance reminded me of some elements of Kate Ryan’s back in 2006.

The beautiful Maria from Norway gave a stunning performance of Hold On, Be Strong which was a very simple and subtle compared to the previous two. Her was breathtaking, with lots of lights behind her twinkling like stars. I have a feeling that this works better in the arena as I think it might get lost on television and I really hope that doesn’t effect Maria’s result.

Isis Gee came next with a great vocal, despite some very strange facial expressions – it will interesting to see if this qualifies as I have a feeling that, with Norway and Poland side-by-side, they might cancel each other out.

Ireland was one complete hot mess on stage and if this qualifies I will eat my hat. Gisela for Andora singing Casanova is a big disappointment – her vocals were weak.

One of the highlights for me was Bosnia’s Laka, with a fantastic performance which is crazy but really cute. I think Armenia and the Netherlands might face the same problem as Norway and Poland by having their songs together – they are quite similar. The Netherlands are going to suffer, though, as Armenia’s Sirushu is a better singer and has a better song.

Finland was Lordi part two – without the gimmick – and doesn’t deserve any more space on my blog.

Dima Bilan, back for Russia this year, gives the most self-indulgent performance ever. It starts with him lying on the stage and generally appearing to think he is some kind of god. It’s a shame that his vocals are so bad that you cannot understand what he is singing, despite it supposedly in English. Having an ice-skater glide round him on a disc looks like one big mess in the arena – though it might look better on television.

Kalomoria’s Secret Combination is another performance that has everything – including a dance breakdown. My personal favourite part is the pop-up book that opens up to reveal a huge heart – talk about interpreting the words literally! I actually cannot believe that tonight we will know which of the 10 will qualify to the final – I will obviously then take elements from those 10 songs to construct my Eurovision song and performance for next year.

The evening saw me at the official party being held for Malta, Belarus and Bulgaria. Ruslan from Belarus had boxes of CHOCOLATES with his face on them to give away as promotional items – I wondered if it was a deliberate attempt to sweeten people up to sway the vote. Bulgaria seemed to go for the gay market at the party with their fierce vocalist Joanna camping it up performing You Make Me Feel Mighty Real and a 90s dance megamix of Corona tracks – AMAZING!

Sadly Malta’s Morena didn’t raise her game and gave a disappointing performance of Vodka and Casanova (her other entry for the Maltese national selection). Just when I thought it couldn’t get any worse for her she put a complete downer on the evening by performing Knocking On Heaven’s Door - WHY?!

Ani Lorak from the Ukraine turned up and completely stole the show by showing Malta, Bulgaria and Belarus how it should done with a tight, professional performance of Shady Lady, which put the performances we had just watched to shame. Another big buzz was Dima Bilan showing up to perform Believe in support for Belarus – although I don’t think there was actually any support at all for Belarus, it was Dima doing a bit of extra promotion for himself.

After the show I mingled with Teresa from the Czech republic who told me that “she loved the fact that this competition brings everyone together” when I asked her what made a winning Eurovision song she replied If You Wanna Have Some Fun – I had to admire her confidence.

Evdokia from Cyprus told me that she was a Femme Fatale herself, and when asked if she had a favourite song she declined to single anyone out by saying “Many”. Fortunately there are many, many good songs”. Squeezy performed too – I gave an impromptu performance of Scooch’s Flying The Flag at Euroclub – much to the delight of the crowds.

By this time tomorrow we will know who has qualified from the first semi – the excitement is really intense here. I’ll be back tomorrow to report on the results and my other adventures at Eurovision!

Day one

Squeezy reports for lowculture from the Eurovision Song Contest in Belgrade. Today, he gets his face seen at the opening party, and asks the contenders what they think makes a Eurovision winner.

Well, I am finally in Belgrade and already Squeezy is causing quite the stir at Eurovision . I officially announced during an interview with Dutch TV that I would be entering Eurovision next year. Andy Abraham said at his press conference that “soul has come to Eurovison”. What he forgot to mention was that INTERNATIONAL POPSTAR Squeezy has come to Eurovision!

Sweden’s Charotte Perelli, a former Eurovision winner, described the event as a “circus” at her press conference, and I know what she means – there is so much going on. Early favourites here at the press centre in Belgrade are Ukraine, Russia, Iceland and Sweden – but it still is very much anyone’s game.

Last night saw me invited to the official opening party at the Royal Palace. Naturally I attended, as I knew it was the perfect opportunity to mingle with the delegations and the artists, to begin my quest for success at Eurovision next year.

My first tip came from Joanna, the sassy vocalist from Bulgaria’s Deep Zone. When I asked her what she thought the key to Eurovision success was, she replied: “To be yourself”. Simple answer, but not really what I was looking for, so I decided to ask around to get a more definitive response.

My old friend from Malta, Morena, told me that she was going to “have fun on stage and have a party” and with an infectious song like Vodka I’m sure she will – as will everyone else watching. Morena also talked about her Euro competition. When I asked her if she had any tips for me, she said: “The competition is always really tough and there are often many good songs”.
Simon Matthews from Denmark told me that my song needed to be an “anthem”, much like his entry this year, All Night Long. He added that a good Eurovision song needed to be “memorable and sing-a-long”.

Kalomoria, the entry for Greece, told me that she couldn’t give away her Secret Combination but that she felt that each Eurovision entry needed its own gimmick, “to make it unique. If hats are your thing, make sure you go on stage with the biggest hat you have”. What I liked about Kalomoria is that she is clearly having the time of her life here and she isn’t taking it too seriously.

Later on I was reunited with Maria, with whom I danced on stage with at the Eurovision Party. She told me that she didn’t feel that there was an “outright winner” this year. I was then introduced to the writer of Hold On, Be Strong, who agreed to write me a winning Eurovision song for next year.

The biggest acts at the party were Verka and Charlotte Perrelli, who were very much in demand. Unfortunately I was unable to seize my chance to ask them what they thought it takes to win Eurovision – but I will track them down eventually! Notable no-shows at the party last night were Russia’s Dima Bilan, Ukraine’s Ani Lorak and the UK’s Andy Abraham - maybe they were all washing their hair?

Today is the first full dress rehearsal of the first Semi Final, so watch out on my report from that. I’ll also be bringing you the gossip from the parties for Iceland, Malta and Belarus.

Squeezy + Eurovision = Success?

It’s the eve of my trip to Belgrade and since I am all packed and ready to go I thought I would kill some time by looking at some Eurovision winners to see if the statistics provided me with a mathematical formula to ensure my success in the competition.
 
I began my quest by looking at the countries with the most wins to see which would be my best chance at representing for Eurovision triumph. Ireland were top of the pack with 7 wins, France, Luxemburg and the UK followed with five wins. Not far behind, with four wins, were Sweden and the Netherlands. This got me thinking – perhaps I should represent one of these countries as, between them, they had won the contest a total of 30 times. That worked out as 57.6% of the 52 years of winners (to date) which were reasonable odds. My dreams of an easy win started to crumble when I took other things into consideration – such as

1. The fact that Luxemburg quit the contest in 1994 so that ruled them out.
2. The UK and Ireland haven’t won since the 90s and have performed badly in recent years and I hadn’t even been born when France and the Netherlands last won.

That left Sweden as my only hope but, with a current nine-year gap since their last win, my odds weren’t looking that good. 
 
Sadly, there was no pattern I could find for the amount of years between a win for a country, and since 2000 there hasn’t been one particular country that has dominated the winning – unlike Ireland’s ruling of the 90’s. It dawned on me that winning Eurovision and making my INTERNATIONAL COMEBACK might be a lot harder than I invisaged. 
 
Since there appeared to be no clever or easy route to success, I returned to my inital plan of taking tips from all the entrants in Belgrade this year and putting them all together to create the ultimate Eurovision entry for next year.  This would mean that I would need to take Chiara’s comment about having the “right ingredients” and basically steal the best ingredients from previous winners and this years entries to ensure a win!!  Suddenly it didn’t seem as hard as I was begining to think!!
 
Remember to keep up to date with my adventures on finding the right ingredients in Belgrade with photos, reviews and interviews with this years Eurovison entries!
 
Squeezy x

The secret combination

Hello Fans!!

Since my decision to enter next year’s Eurovision Song Contest to relaunch my INTERNATIONAL POP CAREER, I have taken myself to all sorts of Eurovision-related events as part of my research.  My travels took me to the Maltese National Final Selections in January, where I met two-time Eurovision entrant Chiara. She told me that they key to success at the contest was to have the song with “the right ingredients”. At the Melodifestivalen final in Sweden, which I went to in March, the song with the right ingredients was a schlager-by-numbers pop song delivered by previous Eurovision winner, Charlotte Perrelli, with an obligatory key change and a silver dress.  Despite Chiara’s wise words in Malta, I was still none the wiser about what the right ingredients actually were.

More recently, my research has seen me taking notes at the official UK Eurovision Preview Party, where a selection of past and present Eurovision acts took to the stage. I also took to the stage that night, as a backing dancer for this year’s Norwegian entrant, Maria Haukaas Storeng. What I noticed at the event was that songs of many different ingredients went down well with the audience. Speaking to Maria before we went on stage, I asked her about her song and she told me that what she liked about her entry, Hold On Be Strong, was that it “grew on you”. This contrasted what Iceland’s entry, Euroband, had to say – their opinion was that they key to success was that the song “had to be instant”. 

Yet again, I was left completely at a loss at what the right ingredients were for triumph at Eurovision – I needed to find out the formula to ensure my VICTORY next year, so that I can be the INTERNATIONAL POPSTAR I once was.

Last night found me at the Piccadilly Theatre in London at a special charity event which saw the casts of various West End musicals from performing favourite Eurovision songs. We were treated to the female cast of Mamma Mia! performing Ding A Dong, Avenue Q doing Waterloo, the boys and girls from Grease jiving to Making Your Mind Up, and the night’s winners, the ensamble of Wicked dazzling us with Ooh Aah… Just A Little Bit.  On top of that we had Scooch Flying The Flag for us and a juding panel of Frances Ruffelle, Sally-Ann Triplett and Dame Cheryl Baker (all previous UK entrants) giving their opinion on the performances. When asked what they wanted from the performances the general gist was that it should be “camp” and have spandex and glitter. By the end of an amazing show I was begining to get more of an idea of what Chiara meant back in January about what the “right ingredients” were. 

Basically, you can enter pretty much anything – you just have to convince the voting public to like your ingredients as well.  That said, a key change, glitter and camp performance can help too (as long as there isn’t a Serbian dressed in a tux in the contest).

Eurovision - 8 days to go!

Eurovision 2008 Song of the Day

Ukraine: Shady Lady, Ani Lorak/Ані Лорак

“There are many shady ladies here,” declared Ani Lorak a couple of days ago, as she described the scene around her during rehearsals in Beograd. And we can imagine to whom she was referring too. This particular shady lady, however, has arrived at the contest with mirrored, back-lit cabinets, which is very exciting. She’s combining the cabinets with excellent vocals. Indeed, judging from this year’s rehearsals, many of the best performers can actually deliver the goods live, and with a routine. Ani is the face of Schwarzkopf in Ukraine, and it is quite clear why. She has lovely hair.

Ukraine, ten points. L’Ukraine, dix points. Back-lit!

Eurovision Legend of the Day

Bosnia and Herzegovina: Call Me, Feminnem

Even from the still in the YouTube box below, you know that words are not necessary.

How Eurovision can save the UK

Realising that we no longer produce the best pop music. It is very true – the gays have gone, and we’re left in the musical wasteland of bloody Coldplay and Keane and other bands whose names are too tedious of me to think about. I don’t want to see men with egos strumming guitars. I want to see amazing women with egos fondling microphones. I want to see fit men with egos who just KNOW. Like every good UK and US popstar, we should look north to Sweden. They are the ones producing the best pop music. Realising that we’re not actually all that anymore can save the UK.

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