November has been slim pickings in soap world, with the dreary murder storylines in several soaps dominating to the detriment of more interesting things. So there may be a few returns for the people our forum users just love to love and love to hate in today’s update. I’d love to hear who your most and least loved characters of the decade have been as well, for a ’00s Soapstar Superstars special in late December. Thoughts in the comments, please.
Plane trip to Darwin
5. Zeke Kinski, Neighbours
I have often stuck up for Zeke in the past whilst others have derided him. After all, losing both parents at a young age and having Katya, Rachel and Libby for sisters seem fairly good reasons for him acting like an arse. I don’t even mind the OCD storyline, though I suspect I’m in a minority there. However, even I have to concede that he’s been acting like a twat lately, and mooning over Sunny, of all people, isn’t going to win me back around.
4. Liz Turner, EastEnders
Owen’s mother is on the receiving end of a lot of ire on the forums, earning the nickname Smug Poppins Mother and the dubious honour of being called a low-rent Peggy Mitchell. Her presence on the Square, particularly when he was incarcerated was not exactly necessary and it’s not clear how long she’s likely to stick around now he’s dead.
3. Tom Cunningham, Hollyoaks
For a little while, it seemed as though the Birdseye Botherer had disappeared from the planet, but no, he’s back to taunt us, this time with his UNDERAGE DRINKING and the overreaction to it. He’s been nine for about two years now, and still acts like a toddler. Still, I suppose he won’t need to grow up much given the general IQ of the male populace of Hollyoaks.
2. Michelle Connor and Jake, Coronation Street
It really is the month for all our old hate figures to resurface. Michelle’s still apparently irresistible, and her hatefulness was amplified when the show paired her up with the equally detestable Jake. Do the writers realise we hate her? Are they deliberately torturing us? It’s beginning to look more and more the case…
1. Sunny Lee, Neighbours
It’s been a while since Sunny topped our charts, but it’s time for her to ‘reign’ once more considering the ludicrous storylines about two boys being in love with her, and well, just her continued presence in general.
Day trip ‘up West’
5. Rachel Armstrong, Home and Away
The general consensus is that Home and Away is a bit boring at the moment, but amongst the dross and tedious Charlie and Angelo storylines, Rachel’s PND storyline has stood out. Heartbreaking and emotional, it’s been a glimpse of real emotion within a sea of mediocrity.
4. Kim, EastEnders
Denise Johnson’s sister, Kim, has only been in the show five minutes and has already stolen the limelight big style. Tameka Epson is a joy in everything she appears in and she was the only thing that made those terrible wedding episodes worth watching. A new Aunt Sal type recurring character, perhaps? She’s a much more interesting prospect than yet another new Mitchell/Branning/Slater/etc, though I’d fear for her if she was made a permanent fixture and had to complete the obligatory Phil Mitchell shagging initiation ritual. Some people are just too good for all that nonsense.
3. Uncyclopedia: Hollyoaks
In the lack of any decent showings from the soap’s characters this month, go and have a read of the Uncyclopedia entry. Some of it is a bit crap, but with entries like: ‘Charlie Dean – Justin/Jake/Becca/Nancy/Frankie’s kid. Also has leukemia. Unsure which to feel more sorry for him about’ and ‘Mandy Richardson – The Chester Bike. Was married to Tony, but left him when the baby died, speculation indicates the child died of malnutrition as Mandy never fed the poor little shit. A little bit frosty and icy’ there’s plenty to keep you entertained for a good twenty minutes or so.
2. Freda Burgess, Coronation Street
The return of Emily Bishop’s niece to Coronation Street has been much welcomed round these parts. She’s comedy gold: what other character could turn up with a stolen artificial limb and get away with it? In EastEnders that’d turn into a dead dog of a comedy Minty storyline. In Corrie, it works brilliantly. Plus she hated Ramsay Clegg just as much as we did. What’s not to love?
1. Claire Peacock, Coronation Street
Fed up of being a downtrodden tragedy magnet, Claire has made the very smart move of becoming mates with HRH Queen Becky recently. This can only be a good thing, as everything Becky touches turns to gold, and it’s nice to see a new friendship dynamic on the Street. Her profile on the official website lists her loves as ‘trams’ and ‘being helpful’ and her dislikes as ‘long tunnels’ and ‘Christmas pudding’. Michelle Connor, meanwhile loves ‘live music’ and ‘dark eyeshadow’. I know who I’d rather spend time with.
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I love reading your character reviews! Post some more! They’re always so true.