Apologies for missing out last month, but I’ve had the kind of poor health that would make me a shoo-in for next year’s X Factor. In a couple of months that have had us blubbing at many soap deaths and despairing at many unwanted returning characters, who have our forum users been loving and loathing?
Deserving of a rake to the throat
5. Jake Dean, Hollyoaks
Sometimes a returning character can bring a much needed shot in the arm to a soap. The returns of characters like Paul Robinson and Bianca and Ricky have been massively successful – but that’s because those characters were liked in the first place. In the past two months, the soaps have all gone mad on bringing back characters we were glad to see the back of. So far, the only point of Jake’s return has seemed to be to show us that being in a psychiatric ward isn’t the permanent sentence Hollyoaks would have previously had us believe.
4. Sam Mitchell, EastEnders
Sam is the second, but not last, of our returnees to make the list. Daniella Westbrook is doing her best but the scriptwriters don’t seem to know who Sam is any more. Sam mk 1 and Sam mk 2 were very different, and Sam mk1 rebooted seems to be a third person altogether. Is she a canny businesswoman or completely thick? Is she ugly or attractive? Are we supposed to be rooting for her or rallying against her? Her storylines don’t seem to be going anywhere and the whole return seems like it was concocted purely for headlines and not at all for story development.
3. Molly Dobbs, Coronation Street
Like the rest of the world, we’ve hated the Kevin/Molly storyline. We hate it even more for it turning Molly, previously somwhat likeable, into an out-and-out bitch. Let’s just hope it’s one of those storylines that will be swept under the carpet soon and never mentioned again…
2. Lydia, Hollyoaks
Looking like a demented shrew doesn’t mean you’re convincing at being a crazed murderess. The whole ‘who killed Sarah’ storyline is rather silly, and it’s not helped by Lydia being a rubbish villain. Memo to Hollyoaks: must try harder.
1. Lyn Scully, Neighbours
DO. NOT. WANT. This is the most shoe-horned in and unwanted return in the soap for some time. There’s no place for Lyn here anymore. If they want to replace Miranda, they could introduce a new couple/family rather than bringing back Lyn. She appears to have completely forgotten about poor Oscar as well, not to mention having turned into even more of a deranged harpy than she was the first time round. Bad, bad storyliners.
Deserving of a soft-focus montage
5. Didge and Declan, Neighbours; Belle and Aiden, Home and Away
Two young brides die within the space of a couple of days. Thanks, schedulers at Five, for putting us through the wringer in such a major way. We’d grown quite fond of these couples recently and then you do this to us. Waaaaah!
4. Jane Beale, EastEnders
The Beales are one of the best families in soap at the moment, which a few years ago, I don’t think many people could have imagined. It’s due in no small part to Jane’s arrival – a genuinely nice character whom you could imagine being your mate, once they got that nonsense with Grant out of the way, she’s been a real asset to the soap. The baby storyline could become grating if they go down the route Hollyoaks took with Jacqui, but so far, so good.
3. Rebecca Napier, Neighbours
We know we featured Paul and Rebecca recently, but with the recent return of the She-Devil Scully, we felt we ought to tie our colours firmly to the mast and declare ourselves Team Rebecca. She’s even out-awesomed Susan of late, and that’s no mean feat.
2. Tamwar Masood, EastEnders
We keep banging on about the Masoods, but that’s because they are 100% pure awesome. Tamwar has really come into his own lately, and everyone is rooting for him to get with Amira – he appeals to the inner geek in all of us, except he’s probably better at one-liners.
1. Phil Archer, The Archers
Although Phil will still be with us for a little while on air, the sad death of actor Norman Painting means it’s appropriate to have a little blub right now. One of the characters at the very heart of the soap, Phil’s death will hopefully be written in a very moving way, and it’ll no doubt have a profound effect on the whole Ambridge community. The longest-serving actor in any soap, Painting had also written over a thousand scripts for the show. He and Phil will both be sorely missed.
